Reflections on Life

Background

For my short time on Earth, I've been blessed with an amazing life experience (knock on wood). During this time, I have always felt an ambition for something more that has left me not completely fulfilled. The best way to put it might be that I am searching for some deeper meaning.

Most of my life, I've considered that deeper meaning to be something around helping humanity. As my mom will tell you, from a very young age, I've felt something of a moral obligation to help those who were not as fortunate in the circumstances of their birth. Therefore, by devoting my good fortune to helping others, I hoped to ascribe some sort of deeper meaning to my own existence.

This obligation has led me to some very cool, unique experiences - a summer in Ecuador, getting to work in Africa and Asia - but contrary to my belief that I would feel better, it has only created frustration. Frustration at my inadequacies, frustration at roadblocks, frustration that it's not as easy as I thought to un-tie complex societal issues.

The Purpose of Life

I've stepped back and thought about why I'm pursuing this goal, especially as I've found it extraordinarily difficult and unfulfilling thus far. While things like equity, justice, the feeling that I've done something important were major motivations, they didn't seem like enough. I couldn't help but think about the bigger picture. As Carl Sagan put it while looking at a picture of our galaxy,

That's home. That's us. On it, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever lived, lived out their lives. The aggregate of all our joys and sufferings, thousands of confident religions, ideologies and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilizations, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every hopeful child, every mother and father, every inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every superstar, every supreme leader, every saint and sinner in the history of our species, lived there on a mote of dust, suspended in a sunbeam.

When you reflect from that point-of-view, it's extremely hard to justify any "impact" we think we have with our lives. Therefore, I am thinking about what the purpose of my life really should be. Instead of seeking to right the wrongs of humanity, why shouldn't I try and pursue happiness first while continuing to strive to be a good person?

Happiness

At first glance, pursuing happiness sounds almost hedonistic and selfish (at least to me). But then I thought about what happiness really means. Happiness is not seeking pleasure - it's love, it's family, it's caring about others as much as yourself. It's raising a family, taking care of your loved ones. Most of all, it's just about spending time together. When I think back to the times in my life when I felt most happy, crazy memorable experiences stand out, but there is one common thread: a feeling of community. I think the people you are around and the relationships you have are more important than anything else.

I remember vividly being in rural Ecuador during the summer of 2007, feeling incredibly happy living in the Muisne community. What struck me most about the people there was not their poverty, or what they didn't have, but how consistently happy everyone was. I often reflected on what it is they had and why I too felt so happy there. Now, it seems obvious to me: it's their community. Everyone there knew each other's name, knew their parents and grandparents. It's straight out of a movie: walking down the main street in Muisne, you felt a sense of joy chatting with all the shopkeepers and watching the kids run around.

Or take Yale - the best years of my life. What was it? It was all those lazy times hanging out in my dorm room, just enjoying the people and community we had.

Why can't we have that here? I believe it is our ambition that gets in the way. Our goal to find meaning in our work has superseded our sense of community. We spend our lives moving from one job or school to the other, seeking to improve our pedigrees and seek the next level of "success". At the end of the day, this means spending more time building new relationships, but less time savoring the great relationships we already have.

My proposal

What I'd love to propose to you all is this: Let's try and prioritize community. Let's make it a priority to find ourselves surrounded by as many loved ones as we can. Let's put our career ambitions in their rightful place, which is behind the people that matter to us during our short time on Earth.

Now what do I mean? Obviously, everyone is at different stages in their life, has big dreams, and varying obligations. But let's try to find great jobs that allow us to raise our families in a neighborhood in which we can call home. While that may mean not being a CEO or the most famous surgeon or what-not, the benefits of having time to spend among family and friends will be a blissful existence.

Personally, I see myself being happiest working a job that ideally is challenging and motivating, but I'd gladly sacrifice on those criteria for the opportunity to be in a real community. I want a future where I am coming home to see my beautiful wife, playing with my kids outside, and then going to my mother’s place for dinner. I want a future where I’m playing in a tennis league, coaching my kids’ sports teams, enjoying date nights. I want a future where my girls know if my wife and I say no to them, they can run to their grandparents where they know they can get what they want.

I'm tired of putting off that sense of community in an effort to find the perfect career, the best job, the most recognition. It's weird - even though part of me feels like I'm "giving up" on a noble cause, an ever-increasing part of me doesn't feel that way. Just by reflecting on what's important, I feel like I'm becoming a better person. Even if my career isn't spent serving humanity, living a generous good life is an exceedingly difficult task in and of itself and one that I will continue to strive towards.

Now, my number one job criteria is how it will enable me to have the personal life I dream of. Why are we seeking more? I'm ready to stop chasing and start living, and I'd love for all of you to at least consider joining me.