My rollercoaster getting home Internet
He had the skinny body type of Screech. The hairstyle and engineering skills of MacGyver. The confidence and the classic, unblemished face of Zack Morris. Or maybe that’s because he introduced himself as Zack.
He came to my house to install our AT&T internet. In my futile attempts to fight FAANG, I was getting AT&T Internet despite having Google Nest already installed and having the setup fully prepared for Google Fiber by the previous homeowners.
Alas, I digress. Zack walks around and through the house and picks the spot he recommends for the fiber internet to get installed. Unfortunately, he must lay a new fiber-optic cable as he can’t access the Google one. An hour and a half later, he has laid the cable and is wrapping up the Internet installation. It had all gone smoothly to this point – he’s explained everything along the way and has demonstrated his knowledge and competence throughout.
The first issue comes up when I ask to set the password for the network. He advises me not to set the password for the router because any time you reset the router, it will restore factory settings and your password will be lost. Weird, as I had my own password on my previous network, but OK, fine.
The next issue crops up when I ask to test the Internet speed. They have all sorts of promises on the AT&T website and I want to see if this fiber-optic cable makes any noticeable difference. Zack happily pulls out his own iPhone and shows me the upload and download speeds on his phone. The promised 1,000 Mbps speed is coming in at more like 300. He says the promised speeds are for wired cables and this is the best you can expect for wireless. Hm, OK.
I try from my phone and am getting something more like 80 Mbps. Zack is nonplussed and says this must be because of the browser I use on my phone. I’m not happy with less than 10% of the promised speed, but he seems like he knows what he’s talking about.
Then comes the second issue. I decide to test the Internet from different rooms. Zack tells me this network won’t work great in a house of this size and I need to get a “mesh network” to maximize my speed throughout the house. Here we go. The classic upsell. I get ready to hear the cost. Instead, he tells me to go to Best Buy to get TP-Link Deco or to get Amazon’s mesh network because they are better than AT&T’s and cost less (he also says I can set my password on that when I install that mesh network). I write down his suggestions gratefully but am still annoyed to see that the Internet doesn’t even work in half the house. This fiber-optic Internet seems like a total bust.
Anyways, the visit is done and he pulls out a customer sheet that he is required to give me at the end of the installation.
“Look, this sheet has the information about the Internet. It tells you that the fiber-optic cable will get put underground in the next 45 days. I also included my cell phone and my boss’s cell phone – if you have any issues whatsoever, give either one of us a call. Do not call AT&T’s customer service – they are totally incompetent. They will tell you they need to send a technician out for anything and will say there’s no charge, but then will end up charging you! Call me or my boss anytime and we will make sure that any issue gets taken care of.”
Meanwhile, while he’s talking, he’s pulling out a black permanent marker, scratching out something, and writing something below it before handing the paper to me. The AT&T customer service number has been blacked out and he has written the two cell numbers next to it.
That’s it. I’m now officially freaking out. He’s been nice, but I am now paranoid. Why would he black out the number? Why did he not recommend the AT&T mesh product? Why did he shit all over his own company’s customer service? He is not wearing an AT&T uniform or anything with their logo? I’ve been reading about these scams where people pretend to be health officials and rob old people – has this guy just cased my house or hijacked my Internet so he can blackmail me later?!?! I’m too afraid to say something, so I let him leave while I freak out on the inside.
It had started as a great experience with what seemed to be a great technician. It had ended with piss-poor Internet and a shady character potentially phishing my entire digital life.
As soon as he left, I get on my computer and look up AT&T customer service. After a 20-minute hold, I get someone on the phone. While I’ve been waiting, I’ve formulated my plan of attack to see if Zack is a real threat or a great technician. I say I have two issues:
My Internet isn’t working nearly as well as it should – speeds are incredibly slow, even quite near to the router
The technician did not satisfactorily provide answers on how to fix it
My first question to them is to confirm who came to my house today to install the Internet. The joker on the line first replies with, “Can you give me the name so I can confirm?”
I tell him, “No, I need it to work the other way around.”
He says, “I cannot tell you that.”
Why the fuck not? He tries to make it sound technically infeasible, but his first question makes that logic idiotic. Finally, after a few minutes of playing Who’s on First, he says give me a minute, then he puts me on hold. He comes back on the phone and says, “His name was Daniel.”
Ummm…this plan isn’t working. This guy on the phone doesn’t inspire much confidence, so I ask for his supervisor. After another hold, I finally get his supervisor on the phone and re-explain my issues. I ask him to confirm the name of the technician, and after a 5-minute hold, he comes back with Zack. Phew. He’s a real employee….
Zack 1. AT&T 0.
I then ask the supervisor if you can set a password for the router. He replies with “Absolutely!” But doesn’t the password get reset if the router is reset? “No, anytime you reboot your password will stay.” But the technician told me that if you reset the router, it will restore the password to factory default. “Ohhh…that’s right. Sorry, I was talking about rebooting the router. If you reset it, the password does go back.”
Zack 2. AT&T 0.
What about this slow internet? Why is this fancy fiber-optic cable not lightning-quick and why is the technician telling me I need a mesh network? The supervisor replies,
“Sounds like you’re having some issues with the installation. We can send another technician out – no charge.”
Zack 3. AT&T 0.
I quickly say “No thanks”, yell for a couple more minutes to make the supervisor aware of my frustration, then hang up and order the mesh network, my faith in Zack fully restored.
This is emblematic of everything that is wrong with corporate America. Turns out Zack is an enterprising, smart employee – seeking to deliver value to customers and willing to go above and beyond. He knows his job and does it well. He recommends the best solutions, whether or not they are AT&T’s. He covers for sub-standard parts of the company (customer service department) with a personal commitment to customer satisfaction.
But AT&T doesn’t value enterprising and smart – it values the short-term bottom line. They don’t value an employee that recommends non-AT&T products, even if that might build deeper customer loyalty in the long run. They don’t value an employee that tries to optimize long-term customer satisfaction. You can understand why. My fears of Zack running a scam are exactly what AT&T seeks to prevent. Individuals are interchangeable, and thus emphasizing sub-standard but predictable processes is safer than trusting potentially rogue employees to do the right thing. AT&T raises the floor a bit but imposes a pretty low ceiling as a result.
In this world, Zack has to try and work around the corporate system to deliver for customers. He ends up blacking out the AT&T number because he knows any call there will only antagonize customers and will probably count against his own key performance indicators. This is what happens when corporations are built to serve their current share price, not their customers or employees. In an ideal world, a business should be a place where Zack can shine, not where his talents are hidden.
P.S. Or maybe Zack’s laughing as he watches me type these very words as he waits to drain my accounts when the time is right.
P.P.S. Once I installed the mesh network, my Internet has been fantastic throughout the house. With my own password. Zack 4 & 5.
P.P.P.S. AT&T sent me an automated email thanking me for my call and offering me a credit for my “installation experience.” Buying my tolerance for their services instead of seeking my loyalty. Typical.